I joined a health spa recently. They had a sign for “Free Weights.” So I took a couple.

I just recently had my Visa card stolen. Right now, it’s everywhere I want to be.

The Heimlich maneuver works on house pets. My pit bull was choking on his dinner. I squeezed his stomach and the neighbor’s cat shot right out.

When it came to spankings, my dad never used a belt. One time he grabbed a piece of my Hot Wheels race car track. In my mind I'm thinking, 'Great, now I'm being beaten with my own toys...' Thank God I didn't get that wood burning set I wanted.

I just recently had my Visa card stolen. Right now, it's everywhere I want to be.

The Heimlich maneuver works on house pets. My pit bull was choking on his dinner. I squeezed his stomach and the neighbor's cat shot right out.

I joined a health spa recently. They had a sign for "Free Weights." So I took a couple.

I hate waking up every morning to my alarm. I always bang my head on the steering wheel.

The first kind is more like playing the slot machines. It's the quick and unpredictable result, and just like in playing golf, that one great shot is all you need to keep coming back for more. But with the weekly games, the best way I've heard it described is that you're buying a right to dream big.

I believe each one has the ability to win 50-50 balls. If they don't win the ball, they do a great job of containing. The rotation and replacing one another is almost second nature now. I also think a good defense can feed off a strong possession game. Our halfbacks are doing a really nice job of controlling and maintaining possession of the ball.